1. Wait.
2. Listen.
3. Now what do you suppose she means by that?
4. Wait.
5. Listen.
6. That's what he thinks you meant when you say that. Is that really what you mean/intend?
7. Repeat 1-6 until an accord is reached.
8. Now that you know all this, what can we do differently next time?
9. What else?
10. Repeat 9 until exhausted.
11. Given all those options, can you agree on one that works for both of you?
12. Shake on it.